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I received a complimentary advanced copy of “The Brave Art of Motherhood” in exchange for my honest review.
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But here's the good news:
Even when we run, God chases us down.
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"Coincidentally" I ran into that friend in a parking lot. We chatted and began to part ways when she said, “Hey—we should grab coffee sometime soon.”
“Yeah!” I sputtered, “I would love that.” She promised she would text as I turned to climb into my car, shaking my head in disbelief.
The next week we met at a quaint breakfast nook. I don’t know at what point I popped the question…
Okay, in reality it was just me awkwardly admitting the truth about how I had ran from what I felt God was leading me to do.
She laughed then, and she still laughs now, as I ramble on.
When I retell my unspeakably raw moments with my kids;
Or my “arguments” with God;
Or my honest assessments of myself.
We don’t always laugh. Sometimes we cry.
When we share about God’s goodness in a situation;
Or expose a broken part of who we are;
Or admit mistakes and the desire to become more than the sum of them.
But the laughing and crying doesn’t even begin to cover the half of what this relationship has meant to me.
It helped me gain the traction I needed to break out of the same old cycles.
I ask hard questions and listen, then apply that wisdom to my life.
More importantly, I allow her to ask hard questions.
“Yeah!” I sputtered, “I would love that.” She promised she would text as I turned to climb into my car, shaking my head in disbelief.
The next week we met at a quaint breakfast nook. I don’t know at what point I popped the question…
Okay, in reality it was just me awkwardly admitting the truth about how I had ran from what I felt God was leading me to do.
She laughed then, and she still laughs now, as I ramble on.
When I retell my unspeakably raw moments with my kids;
Or my “arguments” with God;
Or my honest assessments of myself.
We don’t always laugh. Sometimes we cry.
When we share about God’s goodness in a situation;
Or expose a broken part of who we are;
Or admit mistakes and the desire to become more than the sum of them.
But the laughing and crying doesn’t even begin to cover the half of what this relationship has meant to me.
It helped me gain the traction I needed to break out of the same old cycles.
I ask hard questions and listen, then apply that wisdom to my life.
More importantly, I allow her to ask hard questions.
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I ask hard questions and listen,
then apply that wisdom to my life.
More importantly, I allow her to ask hard questions.
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Can I be honest? I haven’t always liked that at times.
Like the time it forced me to realize that it was time to leave my comfortable job to pursue my dream career.
Or the time I had to shed my apathy about my son’s school problems and go all “Mama Bear” to get him the help he needed and deserved.
Or the times I had my own opinions about the way things should be done in the ministry area I was leading in.
I could continue, but the bottom line is this: having the accountability and exhortation of a mentor finally gave me the traction I needed to move forward in 2017.
I fought the giants of fear, apathy, and self-doubt.
I grew as a parent, a leader, a wife, and a friend.
I made a bold move into a career that I absolutely love.
Our finances began moving in the right direction for the first time in years.
And I even published my very first book.
Can I tell you something else cool? God didn’t just bless me with one amazing mentor, He gave me two. After a couple casual cups of coffee with a new friend, we began meeting more intentionally. She, a more experienced author and a Jesus lover, challenges me to live out my calling bravely.
Isn’t that just like God? He always provides over and beyond. Each incredible of these incredible women bring a different set of experiences to the table.
Friend, I don’t know where you are in your life, what your dreams are, or where you want to grow. But this I know-- there is someone out there you can learn from.
The Bible demonstrates mentorship through the stories of Elijah and Elisha, Paul and Timothy, Jesus and the disciples. The wisest man in the Bible, Solomon, exhorts us to acquire wise counsel. Paul urges men and women to share their love for God and life experience with those coming behind them.
Don’t neglect this very important part of growth.
Seek God. Pray. Get in the Word Follow the Holy Spirit’s promptings. Read great books.
But don’t neglect this integral piece to the puzzle.
As I wrap up, here are some questions to help you pinpoint who might make a great mentor in your life:
Jot down some names. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to guide your steps. He will. He always does.
And if it doesn’t work out the first time, that’s okay! Sometimes good things take time.
Like the time it forced me to realize that it was time to leave my comfortable job to pursue my dream career.
Or the time I had to shed my apathy about my son’s school problems and go all “Mama Bear” to get him the help he needed and deserved.
Or the times I had my own opinions about the way things should be done in the ministry area I was leading in.
I could continue, but the bottom line is this: having the accountability and exhortation of a mentor finally gave me the traction I needed to move forward in 2017.
I fought the giants of fear, apathy, and self-doubt.
I grew as a parent, a leader, a wife, and a friend.
I made a bold move into a career that I absolutely love.
Our finances began moving in the right direction for the first time in years.
And I even published my very first book.
Can I tell you something else cool? God didn’t just bless me with one amazing mentor, He gave me two. After a couple casual cups of coffee with a new friend, we began meeting more intentionally. She, a more experienced author and a Jesus lover, challenges me to live out my calling bravely.
Isn’t that just like God? He always provides over and beyond. Each incredible of these incredible women bring a different set of experiences to the table.
Friend, I don’t know where you are in your life, what your dreams are, or where you want to grow. But this I know-- there is someone out there you can learn from.
The Bible demonstrates mentorship through the stories of Elijah and Elisha, Paul and Timothy, Jesus and the disciples. The wisest man in the Bible, Solomon, exhorts us to acquire wise counsel. Paul urges men and women to share their love for God and life experience with those coming behind them.
Don’t neglect this very important part of growth.
Seek God. Pray. Get in the Word Follow the Holy Spirit’s promptings. Read great books.
But don’t neglect this integral piece to the puzzle.
As I wrap up, here are some questions to help you pinpoint who might make a great mentor in your life:
- Who is further along in the journey?
- Whose life do you admire?
- Who is where you want to be in ten years?
- Who is having success in an area you need to grow in?
Jot down some names. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to guide your steps. He will. He always does.
And if it doesn’t work out the first time, that’s okay! Sometimes good things take time.
To Heather and Anne,
Your example is so needed in this world.
Your words have meant more to me than you’ll ever know.
Thank you for believing in me.
I don’t have to tell you that parenting is hard—you already know that.
Hundreds of thousands of books have been written on the subject, and I’ve read probably dozens of these. I don’t know about you, but all that information can be more overwhelming than helpful.
I don’t claim to be an expert; but as a parent to a 9-year-old, 7-year-old, and 4-year-old, I’ve figured out a few basics…
Food. Clothing. Roof over head.
Totally just kidding. Of course, they need those. But I’m talking about non-tangibles today—essentials to every child’s well-being.
I’m a lover of simplicity, so over time I’ve boiled my strategy down to these five things every child needs to flourish.
Hundreds of thousands of books have been written on the subject, and I’ve read probably dozens of these. I don’t know about you, but all that information can be more overwhelming than helpful.
I don’t claim to be an expert; but as a parent to a 9-year-old, 7-year-old, and 4-year-old, I’ve figured out a few basics…
Food. Clothing. Roof over head.
Totally just kidding. Of course, they need those. But I’m talking about non-tangibles today—essentials to every child’s well-being.
I’m a lover of simplicity, so over time I’ve boiled my strategy down to these five things every child needs to flourish.
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1. Belonging
Children need to know that they belong in their family. This seems obvious, but hear me on this. If they feel unaccepted or disapproved of, they will search for belonging somewhere else. God created us to belong—first, to Him. But also in community. Studies have proven that belonging is essential to happiness (not loads of toys).
So how do we make sure our kids know that they belong?
You’re probably already doing it.
Be their biggest fan.
Embrace every part of them, quirks and all.
Celebrate who they were created to be.
Tell them how your family wouldn’t be the same without the unique personality and strengths they bring to the table.
Be a person with whom they can share any thought or feeling without fearing judgement.
When we are a safe place for our child, they won’t be tempted to lower their standards or pretend to be someone other than who they were created to be just to fit in… because they already will.
So how do we make sure our kids know that they belong?
You’re probably already doing it.
Be their biggest fan.
Embrace every part of them, quirks and all.
Celebrate who they were created to be.
Tell them how your family wouldn’t be the same without the unique personality and strengths they bring to the table.
Be a person with whom they can share any thought or feeling without fearing judgement.
When we are a safe place for our child, they won’t be tempted to lower their standards or pretend to be someone other than who they were created to be just to fit in… because they already will.
2. Apologies. Lots of them.
Brace yourself; this one hurts. The last thing I want to do after I—ahem--justifiably lose my temper is to apologize. The same goes for when I make a false assumption or fall short of a promise or… the list goes on.
You and I, we mess up all the time. And our children are watching to see how we handle those mistakes. They need to see us live out the Jesus way of handling them: humility.
When I apologize to my daughter for yelling at her, I’m communicating more than just “I’m sorry”. She sees that mommy messes up sometimes, but that it’s not okay to belittle others.
When I apologize to my son for jumping to wrong conclusions, I’m telling him that our relationship matters more to me than being right. By lowering myself, I’m raising the standard in our household by showing my children what’s okay and what’s not.
The times when I’ve apologized—even when I didn’t feel like it, have been some of the most impactful parenting moments of all. When we give ourselves permission to be human, we give our children permission to be human, too, while leading them in God’s better way of living.
You and I, we mess up all the time. And our children are watching to see how we handle those mistakes. They need to see us live out the Jesus way of handling them: humility.
When I apologize to my daughter for yelling at her, I’m communicating more than just “I’m sorry”. She sees that mommy messes up sometimes, but that it’s not okay to belittle others.
When I apologize to my son for jumping to wrong conclusions, I’m telling him that our relationship matters more to me than being right. By lowering myself, I’m raising the standard in our household by showing my children what’s okay and what’s not.
The times when I’ve apologized—even when I didn’t feel like it, have been some of the most impactful parenting moments of all. When we give ourselves permission to be human, we give our children permission to be human, too, while leading them in God’s better way of living.
3. Boredom
Read my lips; your children need to be bored. Bored, bored, bored.
Not 24/7 of course. But as much as they will try to convince you otherwise, this is not a bad thing and you do not need to feel guilty about it.
What are your best childhood memories? Probably not when your mom and dad dragged you around to every festival, sports game, and theme park known to man.
My parents failed in the entertaining department, and I became better for it. My brothers and I spent hours creating games, stories, and toys in the basement. We built forts in the woods in the backyard. I collected paper, cloth, pipe cleaners, and other “goods” and would sit creating for hours on end.
So maybe my parents didn’t fail after all.
What I’m trying to say is this: Boredom breeds creativity.
It’s okay, mom and dad. Let them be bored.
Not 24/7 of course. But as much as they will try to convince you otherwise, this is not a bad thing and you do not need to feel guilty about it.
What are your best childhood memories? Probably not when your mom and dad dragged you around to every festival, sports game, and theme park known to man.
My parents failed in the entertaining department, and I became better for it. My brothers and I spent hours creating games, stories, and toys in the basement. We built forts in the woods in the backyard. I collected paper, cloth, pipe cleaners, and other “goods” and would sit creating for hours on end.
So maybe my parents didn’t fail after all.
What I’m trying to say is this: Boredom breeds creativity.
It’s okay, mom and dad. Let them be bored.
4. Consequences
This one’s harder than apologizing, because it allows the pain to fall on my kids, instead of me. And oh how badly I want to come between the two.
Just last week one of my children, who shall remain anonymous, got into a little situation at school involving his mouth. Oh, how the Apostle James was right when he said, “but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” #preach
Anyway, part of me wanted to sweep the situation under the rug, writing it off as a “just a kid” incident. But inside I knew my child was old enough to understand the power of his words and their impact on others. We talked. He cried. For two hours, to be exact. He felt the full weight of his consequences that week, but he came out better for it.
Situations aren’t always that serious, though, and sometimes it’s easier to write off our kids’ sin and disobedience or pay the price ourselves.
Johnny didn’t clean his room, but you let him have dessert anyway.
Brittney broke her phone, so you just buy her another.
Billy failed an Algebra test, so you e-mail his teacher and ask for a do over.
Are you coming between your children and the consequences needed to grow them into healthy and productive human beings?
I’m not discounting grace. Have grace. But, also have consequences. Pain can be a powerful teacher.
Just last week one of my children, who shall remain anonymous, got into a little situation at school involving his mouth. Oh, how the Apostle James was right when he said, “but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” #preach
Anyway, part of me wanted to sweep the situation under the rug, writing it off as a “just a kid” incident. But inside I knew my child was old enough to understand the power of his words and their impact on others. We talked. He cried. For two hours, to be exact. He felt the full weight of his consequences that week, but he came out better for it.
Situations aren’t always that serious, though, and sometimes it’s easier to write off our kids’ sin and disobedience or pay the price ourselves.
Johnny didn’t clean his room, but you let him have dessert anyway.
Brittney broke her phone, so you just buy her another.
Billy failed an Algebra test, so you e-mail his teacher and ask for a do over.
Are you coming between your children and the consequences needed to grow them into healthy and productive human beings?
I’m not discounting grace. Have grace. But, also have consequences. Pain can be a powerful teacher.
5. A Healthy You
Healthy children come from healthy families, and healthy families are made up of healthy individuals. You simply cannot sacrifice your well-being “for the sake of the kids”. It doesn’t work that way.
Are you stressed and overrun?
Are you financially strapped?
Do you feel far from God?
Are you severely overweight or suffering from a medical condition?
Is your marriage falling apart?
It’s time to put first things first. Stop running your children to every activity under the sun. Make time to have coffee with a trusted friend, see a counselor, or take a class that will get you to a healthier place.
Your children may not understand now, but they will thank you for it down the road when they have a physically, mentally, and spiritually healthy parent or guardian.
Are you stressed and overrun?
Are you financially strapped?
Do you feel far from God?
Are you severely overweight or suffering from a medical condition?
Is your marriage falling apart?
It’s time to put first things first. Stop running your children to every activity under the sun. Make time to have coffee with a trusted friend, see a counselor, or take a class that will get you to a healthier place.
Your children may not understand now, but they will thank you for it down the road when they have a physically, mentally, and spiritually healthy parent or guardian.
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Being a parent doesn’t have to be complicated. For more simple guidance, I like to read the Proverbs. Conveniently, there are 31 chapters which makes for an easy habit of reading one per day. Who knows, after a year of reading through 12 times, they might start to sink in. Maybe.
Lastly, I know many of you are reading this from a place of discouragement. You feel like you’re not a good enough parent.
Know this, mom or dad: If you have the desire to get better, you’re already a good parent.
Give yourself some grace. This is a hard job.
Pray and ask God how you can fill one of your child’s five needs today.
Lastly, I know many of you are reading this from a place of discouragement. You feel like you’re not a good enough parent.
Know this, mom or dad: If you have the desire to get better, you’re already a good parent.
Give yourself some grace. This is a hard job.
Pray and ask God how you can fill one of your child’s five needs today.
News flash: We’re 16 days deep into the New Year.
But perhaps you already knew that.
Maybe, like me, you’ve been checking off the days and staring down the 349 left to go.
I don’t know what resolutions you made or goals you set, but I do know that this is about the time that discouragement starts to creep its way into our sparkly dreams.
The fun of new beginnings becomes replaced by frustration, exhaustion, or even apathy, and taint our hope that, perhaps, change is possible.
So what do we do when our Bible plan is at 5%, the scale has stopped moving, and our children are still crazy?
We all have that friend who lost 40 pounds and changed their life, and the other who finally started their own business last year. What’s the difference? What’s the magical formula to making and keeping these promises to ourselves?
I found myself asking this question yesterday as I huffed and puffed my way through a HIIT and strength routine.
Two years ago I was sick and tired of the way I looked and felt. I had made every excuse for why I couldn’t workout. So almost two years ago, to the date, I stopped.
I stopped making excuses, and I showed up.
I showed up when I felt like it, and when I didn’t.
I showed up when I felt strong, and when I was so sore I didn’t think I could lift the remote.
I showed up when I could see and feel progress, and when I couldn’t.
And do you know what? The results came. After a year, I had lost over 15 pounds and felt better than I’ve ever felt in my entire life.
I didn’t do anything that would seem spectacular or even praise-worthy. I didn’t pin 46 tricks to lose weight. I didn’t spend $200 on a webinar that would tell me the secret to success.
I simply showed up.
Now, I’m not saying these things are bad. Certainly there are a lot of fantastic tools and some helpful information out there--but none of it will work if you don’t.
You want to know the sad news?
I re-gained nearly all of those 15 pounds last year.
Shocking, I know.
You want to know what I did?
I stopped showing up.
Mentally and physically.
I allowed the excuses back in, and found fifteen friends who agreed with them…
And I simply stopped.
So here I am, back at square one this New Year.
But I’m not dismayed, because the good news is it’s not over.
I’ve started showing up again.
And I’m applying what I’ve learned to other areas, too.
What are your resolutions or goals this year?
I want to re-lose the weight, write more, and work on my relationships.
No matter your “race”, you get to the finish line one step at a time.
So show up.
Stay in your lane.
And keep taking steps.
Some days will be sprints. Others will feel like a crawl. But you’ll be moving forward.
I love the encouragement Paul gives in Galatians 6, verse 9 when he says, “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”
Those resolutions, those dreams, those plans—they are God-given.
Do you know He wants you to succeed?
The best news is He can take our steps of faith and multiply them beyond what we ever thought imaginable.
But we have to show up.
Show up at your small group. Show up at the dinner table. Show up at the gym. Show up to the phone call. Show up to that book you started. Show up to the paperwork.
Don’t give up.
Show up.
A little about me...
Hi, I'm Katie!
Wife to Craig, mom of three, author, writer, Jesus-follower, Bible teacher, and coffee enthusiast.
Follow me as I follow Christ and share my heart throughout the journey.
Wife to Craig, mom of three, author, writer, Jesus-follower, Bible teacher, and coffee enthusiast.
Follow me as I follow Christ and share my heart throughout the journey.
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